Last Saturday, I joined a relationship and communication skill seminar. It was quite helpful.
What impressed me the most was that the speaker held that a perfect man or a perfect woman is usually not a good choice of a partner. “The reason is simple, why does he need you?” Only an interdependent relationship is a good relationship. A perfect man and a perfect woman will not have the needs to be interdependent.
The speaker showed us two examples. The first example was Edison Chen(陈冠希)． Chen had almost everything, handsome, money, sport car, had his papa and mama love him, had a lot of fans supported him. When a man has almost everything, a girl friend will mean very little to him. He doesn’t need his girl friend love him, he doesn’t need his girl friend care him. Only the girl friends’ beauty and sex was what Chen needed. So Chen could date one, make love and then dispose her like a trash.
Another example, he showed us was Princess Diana. Her tragedy was almost for the same reason. To Prince Charles, she was merely a sex offeror. As a prince, Charles did not need her care or her love. Still her beauty was not important. It was so easy for a prince to find another even prettier girl. Only an interdependent relationship is a good relationship. A perfect man and a perfect woman will not have the needs to be interdependent. Princess Diana's tragedy was doomed from the beginning.
(Princess Diana, killed in a suspicious car accident on 31 August, 1997)
In a fairytale, after the prince married with the snow white, they had a happy life ever since. Compare to real history, seldom any kings and emperors had less than 10 wives. All most all of them killed their wives and concubines with little mercy.
I quite agree with the speaker. One of my course mates separated with her boyfriend a couple months before. She complained to me about her ex, “I cook dishes for him. I pare fruits for him. Does he have any conscience?” On listening to her complain, I thought, as long as her ex had house maids in his house, what she did might really had little meaning to him.
Instead, for those people grow up from poverty, like Maria’s father’s generation. It is much easier for them to know to appreciate, to have a deep call on never letting their family, their children suffer again.
Maria told me her father was an orphan, his desire of warmth, his need of being loved, and his thirsty of being cared were the safe-net of Maria’s family. It ensured they could pass different culture background. It ensured they could move on after every quarreling. It is not an accident that Maria always holds her father is the best father in the world.
While compare to my mama, she was a daughter of a army general. My papa, he was a son of a big land-lord. When he was young, he had more than 10 house maids in his family. Every time my mama scolds my papa for never doing housework, my papa will say sorry with a smile on his face. I think, as long as he cannot feel remorse, as long as he does not have a deep call of a happy & peaceful family, he will not have any motivation to change and their fights will hard to end.
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